Your Critical Inner Voice
Posted by admin on 05/14/2011
Your boss is evil. Your spouse is lazy. Your teenager doesn’t listen. Your best friend won’t return your calls. Your relationships are complicated. Any attempt to create lasting harmony when facing the inevitable flaws and countless complexities of another human being can make you feel powerless. But before you condemn yourself to a lifetime of solitude, consider this: the one common denominator in all of life’s miscommunications, arguments, break-ups and falling-outs is also the one thing that you have control over: you.
Yes, we will all face many an injustice at our jobs, and yes, we will probably date at least one person who treats us poorly. We will have to deal with a cranky salesperson and withstand an unruly family member. It is easy to feel victimized by our lives, especially when we find ourselves at one of life’s low points and we are pouring all of our energy into just picking ourselves back up again. But how much of our destiny do we control? How much are we victims of circumstance and how much are we victims of ourselves?
Attachment and early life experiences have a significant impact on our development and our adult relationships. Negative events in childhood shaped our minds, our emotions and our behaviors in ways that we are often unaware of, which is why in certain situations in our lives today, we have reactions that puzzle us. For example, why does that one little annoying quality in our partner provoke us more than anything else? Or why do we “lose it” whenever our children engage in a specific behavior?
Certain people, characteristics and events trigger the emotional memories of early stresses we felt as kids and reactivate the behaviors we developed to cope with those feelings. When these triggers are set off, we are instantly transported from the present day back to when we were small. If we were forced to shout to be heard in our household, we may find ourselves shouting at our own family in our current home. If we were shut up as kids, we may find ourselves keeping quiet and not speaking up in our work environment.
For example, a friend of mine couldn’t stand one of his co-workers, whom he saw as pushy and insensitive. Whether she was entering his office without knocking or speaking over him in meetings, he’d often find himself overtly expressing irritation and even yelling at her in the office. Even though his behavior was unacceptable to him and left him feeling resentful, he had trouble coming to grips with his incensed reaction.
via Lisa Firestone: Your Critical Inner Voice: Are You Letting It Sabotage Your Relationships?.
Posted by 
