Life is not always kind. We don't always get what we want. We don't even get what our parents want for us, which would at least make them happy. Sometimes everything goes south at once: The longed-for love doesn't show up or goes away; the dream job is given to an inexperienced, two-faced brownnoser; the dog dies; the sink clogs; the snap of your jeans pops open when you bend down to pick up the hefty stack of bills on the mat and you're left standing there, thinking, "The best part of my run was back when I was 25. From here on out, I just have to slog through."

Which is exactly when you must remember a little secret that I am about to share with you. All of us—even the darkest and unluckiest of us—get seven particular moments, those brief, unexpected times when the stars do more than align; they communally redirect their light expressly to illuminate the value of our wee, earthly existence.

These moments sometimes go unnoticed and are almost always unexpected. They are not subject to the vicissitudes of your success or failure. They are not something you can blame yourself for not experiencing sooner or flog yourself into experiencing now. They are on their own time schedule. They have happened to you or will happen to you sooner or later. The key is not letting them slip by uncelebrated.

1. You (senselessly) win.

You toss your business card into a bowl at a Chinese restaurant and win six free egg rolls every month for one entire year. Or you pick up the phone and hear a stranger asking you the names of all four Beatles, which you know and which you recite to him, prompting him to scream out to his radio audience that you are the proud new owner of a KitchenAid dishwasher.

This feeling is not the same as winning at a craps table or a Lotto drawing. This is about a windfall without effort, a windfall that you're not even sure you want—say, a deluxe all-expenses-paid trip to Hackensack, New Jersey—but that fills you with great, swelling joy at getting something undreamed of for free, something only you get to get.

2. You're seen.

It happens without fanfare. Someone somewhere looks across the room and sees past the face your family gave you. They also see past the face that you put on over that face, the one composed of TV gestures (a hint: you were not born doing any kind of hair flipping) and mysterious magazine-made smiles and the smooth, dull, blank look that overtakes our eyes when we decide we will not cry, not in front of other people.

This someone sees you, down to your intelligence, your fear of being alone, your ability to whistle on pitch. It might be the teacher who asks if you would do her the honor of passing out the graham crackers today at recess. It might be the grocery-store manager who spots your bag breaking at the exit—your eggs and yogurt splashing all over the door, your whole horrible, failing marriage spattered all over your frozen expression—and runs up and down the aisles, filling a new bag with unbroken items, plus tosses in a bouquet of flowers just to cheer you up. It might even be the friend who thinks the way you snort-laugh is charming. There is somebody out there who gets it—it being you.

3. You get the opportunity to learn about something bigger than yourself.

I know what this one sounds like: You get to go through something horrible and wrenching, and then we'll pretend there is some kind of silver lining. But that's not what I mean. I'm talking about the awakening of grace, the time in life when you first begin to accrue the kind of wisdom that will allow you to feel for a friend when she has lost a father or gotten separated, not because you have lost a father or gotten separated but because you have lost someone or something and the experience opened a door of genuine understanding. You are now able to hold hands with another person and connect with them at the very time they feel most alone.

4. You're spared.

Vitamin E is one of our most important anti-oxidant vitamins. It fights against free radicals, helping to protect our arteries from cholesterol buildup and our cells from cancer. Vitamin E also keeps our blood cells flexible and healthy, and plays a role in reducing inflammation.

Back in the 1980’s and ‘90’s, many doctors and scientists believed that high doses of supplemental vitamin E offered a safe and easy way to protect the heart. They based this assumption on the findings of studies that suggested that people whose diets included substantial amounts of vitamin E were less prone to heart attacks. Furthermore, since vitamin E is “natural,” how could it cause any harm?

Although only 22.4 International Units (IU) of vitamin E are necessary to maintain health, supplemental doses of 400-1200 IU were routinely recommended, even though no research had been done on the safety of effectiveness of these supplements.

Subsequent research has found that doses in this range may actually increase the risk for congestive heart failure in vulnerable individuals, and reduce the effectiveness of some cholesterol medications. Doses of 1000 IU may prolong bleeding times.

In October, the results of the Selenium and Vitamin E Cancer Prevention Trial were reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association. The trial was started with the optimistic idea that perhaps vitamin E and selenium could reduce prostate cancer. Over 35,000 men aged 50 or older were enrolled. They were assigned to vitamin E (400 IU daily), selenium (200 mcg daily), both supplements, or placebo.

The results were disappointing and sobering. After a follow-up period of seven years, those men who took the vitamin E supplements were 17 percent more likely to have developed prostate cancer. Selenium was basically a wash, with no substantial effect on cancer risk.

via Vitamin E: A Supplement Whose Time has Passed | Healthline.

Every couple argues. Some of the do it overtly by yelling at each other while others do it covertly by avoiding contact and conversation. Whatever the method, the result is the same – hurt feelings and disenchantment. Here are my tips to help you argue constructively, if done correctly it can be a pathway to growth and problem solving.

Understand that anger itself is not destructive. There is a vast difference between anger and rage. When someone is angry they need to state their feelings, they don't break things or relationships – that is ragefull behavior.

Talk about your feelings before you get angry. When you or your partner can approach the situation as it happens and deal with it in a safe way, it may not get to the point of being an argument. Sometimes things just need to be verbalized and most arguments can be avoided if your partner understands how you feel.

Don't raise your voice. It's amazing how issues of hurt feelings or differences can be resolved with a whisper. I counsel couples who are yellers to only communicate with a whisper and it greatly reduces the anger factor in their relationships.

Don't threaten your relationship. And don't take every argument as a threat to your relationship. This type of emotional blackmail puts the other partner in a panic/flight or flight mode. While you're telling them you want to leave, they may be making plans to find a roommate. In addition, they may be so devastated by the thought of losing their family they can go into a deep depression and be unable to give you what it is you need.

Don't stockpile. This is where you bring up issues from the past to use as a hammer against whatever problem your partner has asked for help with. Deal with their issue first and if you really have unresolved feelings from past problems talk about them at another time.

Don't avoid your anger. If you stuff your feelings long enough you will explode and say or do things that you will regret. Anger does not diminish love, you can be angry with those you love. In fact the ones we love hurt us the most because we love them the most. 

Create a process for resolving problems without anger. Start by each of you taking five minutes to state your feelings, then take a twenty minute break to think about things and come back to the table for another ten minutes to discuss how you think you can best deal with the problem. Also, know that it's okay if the problem doesn't get solved right away.

Continued at … 10 Tips for Fighting Fair | Psychology Today.

With the cold and flu season still kicking around, heading out to the pharmacy every week can get annoying — and expensive. But finding the best solutions to fight your viruses can be right in front of you.We all know eating foods that are rich in nutrients can be good for our health, but some say eating them while youre sick is even better."Food plays a role in how we look, but we often forget that it massively affects how we feel," says health coach and Huffington Post UK blogger Polly Noble. "When you eat, you feed not only your stomach but your cells. If those cells dont get nourished with the vitamins and minerals they need, your body can start to malfunction," Noble says.Topical BioMedics has partnered up with Roufia Payman, the director of outpatient nutritional services at Northern Dutchess Hospital in New York, to come up with the tastiest solutions to fighting cold and flu viruses.Here are Paymans top immunity-boosting foods for optimum healing and wellness.

Chicken Noodle Soup:

Grandma was right — nothing beats chicken soup for fending off sniffles. Not only does it provide the fluids needed to help fight off viruses, it's a powerful mucus stimulant so it helps clear nasal congestion as well as thin mucus. It's also thought to have a mild anti-inflammatory effect than can help ease cold symptoms. Keep some organic chicken stock on hand, because studies have found that even commercial soup is as effective as homemade.

Onion And Garlic:

If you want to punch up the healing power of your chicken soup — or any other dish — add plenty of garlic and onions. When combined, these flavorful healers contain numerous antiseptic and immunity boosting compounds. As an added plus, garlic helps to open clogged sinuses.

Mushrooms: 

No herbal medicine cabinet should be without mushrooms. They increase the production of cytokines, which are cells that help fight off infection. They also contain polysaccharides, which are compounds that support the immune system. The most potent cold- and flu-fighting shrooms are shitake, maitake and reishi.

Citrus Fruits:

Citrus fruits contain hefty doses of powerhouse vitamin C. Studies have found that this antioxidant can reduce cold symptoms by 23 per cent, and all that's needed is just one to eight grams (1,000 to 8,000 milligrams) to do the trick. Besides citrus fruits, other foods that have high amounts of vitamin C include papaya, sweet potatoes, butternut squash, tomatoes, broccoli, brussel sprouts and red bell peppers.

Yogurt:

Studies have shown that eating a cup of low-fat yogurt each day can reduce your susceptibility to colds by 25 percent. The beneficial bacteria is Lactobacillus reuteri which has been found to block the replication of viruses that invade the body when we get sick. Not all brands have that particular bacteria, so check labels and be sure to go organic.

Immune-Boosting Supplements: 

While yogurt is a great source of probiotics, some have more than others and we can really benefit by taking an additional supplement. Other immune-booster "musts" are vitamin D and Omega 3 fatty acid.

Hot Tea:

Hot tea is soothing and a great home remedy, helping to thin mucus and ensure proper hydration. For added health benefit, sip green or black tea — both are filled with flavonoids, which are potent antioxidants.

Ginger:

Ginger comes to the aid when we're sick in some powerful ways. Besides soothing a scratchy throat, it has chemicals called sesquiterpenes that target rhinoviruses — which are the most common family of cold viruses — as well as substances that help suppress coughing. Ginger is also a natural pain and fever reducer and a mild sedative so you — ll feel more comfortable and be able to rest easier. Add a couple of tablespoons of shredded gingerroot to your tea, or make ginger tea (it comes in tea bags, but you can also simmer fresh sliced ginger to make a potent brew).

Honey:

Honey has numerous medicinal properties and because it coats your throat it is a natural way to soothe sore throats. It also has antioxidant and antimicrobial properties to help fight infections from viruses, bacteria, and fungi. Skip the common clover honey that you'll find in the supermarket as it has the lowest antioxidant level. Look for buckwheat honey, which has the highest. (A note of caution: never give honey to children under one years of age because their immune systems are not developed enough to ward off infantile botulism, which is carried in honey spores.).

Continued at …   Top Foods For Your Immune System: 11 Foods To Boost Your Immunity.

I was in a terrible hurry, running late for a business meeting in Philadelphia. I'd spent more than $100 for my train ticket from a vending machine at New York's Penn Station—but in my haste had grabbed only the receipt, which I now presented to the conductor.

"You need the ticket," he said.

I apologized and explained that the receipt was all I had.

"The rules are the rules," said the conductor. "Either you pay the fare or you leave the train."

I'm constitutionally opposed to following rules for their own sake; plus, this man was treating me rudely. But I'm not confrontational, so I wasn't going to let my annoyance show. Instead, in my most neutral voice, I asked a question (like many introverts, I'm forever asking questions): "Is there any way you could bend the rules just this once?"

"Why would I do that?" the conductor snapped. "How do I know you're not cheating me? You could have picked that receipt up off the floor!"

That's when I realized it wasn't the rules he was worried about; he feared I was making a fool of him. Suddenly I saw the man not as belligerent and officious but as human and vulnerable, and my focus shifted to How can I reassure him that I'm not trying to take advantage?

I pointed out my credit card number on the receipt and showed him my card so he could see that the digits matched. Instantly his posture softened. He mumbled an apology and proceeded down the aisle. And I made it to my meeting on time.

Encounters like this one happen to me a lot. When I graduated from Harvard Law School almost 20 years ago, I believed that success belonged to the table pounders of the world, and that my soft-spokenness was a liability. But over the course of my career—first as a Wall Street lawyer, later a negotiations consultant—I have learned that introverts, thanks to their tendency to speak quietly and reasonably, to ask questions, and to listen to the answers, can make unusually strong negotiators. My introverted talents have helped in a range of tricky situations, from navigating mergers for corporate clients to convincing my kids to eat their broccoli.

And striking deals isn't the only thing introverts do well. Some of our most transformative leaders have been shy or introverted: Abraham Lincoln, Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks. All of them were more focused on their causes than on their egos. In fact, many of the most spectacularly creative people across a broad variety of fields have been quiet types who enjoyed solitude, from Frédéric Chopin to Charles Darwin.

Instead of worrying that I'm too introverted, I now worry that our culture is not introverted enough. In today's overscheduled, hyperactive society, we celebrate the alpha approach (consider the rise of reality TV stars, for example) and dramatically undervalue the quieter aspects of our natures—which, by the way, even the most gregarious of us possess. If you're ready to empower your inner introvert, read on. Based on research in personality psychology and dozens of interviews, I've identified six strategies for nourishing the unique strengths that come from your quieter reaches.

Continued at …  Successful Introverts – Being Soft-Spoken Isn't a Bad Thing – Oprah.com.

If you’re trying to eat a heart-healthy diet, figuring out what to believe can be overwhelming. The advice we get on everything from eggs to olive oil is often confusing and maddeningly contradictory.

Ironically, this growing confusion comes at a time when scientists who study nutrition know more than ever. Too often, though, we hear about only the latest study (which may be poorly designed) or research that’s cherry-picked to support an agenda. That’s like seeing one or two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle and trying to determine what the entire picture is.

To know what the science really shows, it pays to look at all the evidence, assigning greater weight to studies that are more rigorous. In many cases, this can give us a reliable indication of what’s really good or bad. Based on a thorough review of research, here’s what’s believable — and what’s not — regarding some familiar claims about heart health.

Nuts are good for your heart

True. Once regarded as high-fat nutritional villains to be avoided at all costs, nuts are now touted as a health food that can ward off heart disease. And perhaps rightly so. Several large cohort studies (the type in which people are asked about their dietary habits and then followed for years or decades) have consistently found lower odds of heart disease and heart-related deaths among nut eaters, regardless of sex, age, location or occupation.

These findings are bolstered by results from clinical trials demonstrating that nuts lower LDL cholesterol levels, the kind associated with an increased risk of heart disease. Nuts also appear to decrease inflammation in arteries, which may contribute to heart attacks.

So which nuts are best for you? If you listen to producers of walnuts, almonds or peanuts (which, technically, aren’t nuts but legumes), each will tell you that its nut is superior because of some ingredient it contains. The truth is that it’s impossible to say which is best because no one has done a head-to-head comparison.

All nuts are relatively high in unsaturated fats, which are thought to be good for the heart. And all nuts are relatively high in calories, so it’s important to pay attention to portion sizes. About a handful a day is enough to reap health benefits. It may even promote weight loss by helping you feel full. But going nuts and overindulging can lead to extra pounds.

Oats lower cholesterol

TRUE. Oats contain a type of soluble fiber known as beta-glucan, which is also found in barley. It’s thought to lower cholesterol by binding to bile acids and removing them from the body. Bile acids are made from cholesterol, so when the body has to deploy more of its cholesterol to help replace the eliminated bile acids, there’s less of it in the blood.

Continued at …  Foods that are good–and bad–for your heart – The Washington Post.

Although most of us love a great wedding, an increasing number of women are saying “No, thanks” to the idea of marriage. In 2011 the US Census Bureau released statistics that show women are now marrying later than ever before with an increasing number choosing not to marry at all. Many women are instead choosing to engage in “serial monogamy” – embracing the idea of having a series of successive long-term monogamous relationships that don’t necessarily result in marriage – a relationship pattern that was once thought to be a man’s prerogative. Does this mean that women are the new commitment-phobes or is there more at play here?

Old ideas about marriage, dating and relationships have gone out the window

In the past, women needed marriage as a means of guaranteeing their financial security however, this is no longer the case. As the age of marriage has steadily risen, so have women’s career prospects and economic independence. The dating pool is now rife with educated, savvy women who know what they want and are more financially independent than their predecessors. Women are applying this increased sense of empowerment to the choices they make in dating and relationships.

It’s not that women aren’t willing to commit, it’s that many are no longer willing to settle. Without the need to seek out a mate for financial security, personal satisfaction has risen to the top of their relationship wish list. Women who are currently dating in their 20s and 30s are part of the “Oprah generation” who have come of age in a culture where women are encouraged to become more attuned with their own needs and “A-Ha” moments. They value personal happiness because they are now in an economic position to do so.

As Ella*, age 30 notes, “I look at the marriages of my parents and grandparents generation and I see people who spent decades together even though they were miserable. I don’t want that. I’m not against marriage. I’d just prefer to be unmarried than to be in an unhappy situation.”

via Dating and relationships: Are women the new commitment-phobes? : Relationships – Elle Canada.

In a world that is looking for love, Facebook is becoming both a social support and a matchmaker.  A new report released by the Pew Research Center’s Internet & American Life Project points out how those associated with “power users” are reaping the benefits of reaching thousands and building confidence.

Despite questions as to whether or not technology is ruining romance and contributing to the demise of the love letter, posed by PsychologyToday blogger, Azadeh Aalai, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Montgomery College, social dating is on the rise.

“Facebook is emerging as the world’s largest dating site,” says Julie Spira, online dating expert. “The next generation of online dating has emerged. It’s called social dating and it’s here to stay.”

Meeting on Facebook and social dating tips

Spira says:  “From typing in their name in a search, to looking up former college sweethearts, and chatting with friends-of-friends while at an airport, singles are meeting on Facebook.”

But despite the ease of connections, Spria advocates caution.

“Start off by listing your relationship status as ‘Single’on your profile. It’s free advertising in a large playing field. Before you start friending potential mates on Facebook, start by checking their relationship status. If their profile status is ‘Single’ still double-check by viewing the photos they post. If their arm is around the same person over-and-over again, enjoy your digital friendship,” she adds.

“If you’ve already set up a date with someone from an online dating site, compare their facts and photos on Facebook. See if you have friends in common and call your real-life friends to find out more about your date. But don’t get too excited. It’s a netiquette no-no to friend a date on Facebook in advance of or after a first date. You both might not be on the same digital page. Remember, you’re courting, not stalking,” she says.

Noting that “the new world of social dating presents the opportunity to put one’s best digital foot forward and find a partner and mate in a crowded and confusing marketplace,’ Spira outlines the social dating blend:

Flirting on Twitter

Friending, liking, chatting and commenting on Facebook

Reconnecting with former colleagues and alumni on Linkedin

Downloading a handful of mobile apps

Joining one or more online dating sites

Sharing TV shows, films and music on Get Glue, Netflix, and Spotify

Video chats

“You don’t have to do it all, but the options for meeting continue to grow,” she notes. “So make sure you’re ready for that spur-of the-digital-moment date, as you’ll be using your mobile phone to communicate.”

Continued at …  Love Online: Dating Expert’s Advice and the Love Letter Wish | Psychology Today.

By Jacob Sokol -

“I’d always believed that a life of quality, enjoyment, and wisdom were my human birthright and would be automatically bestowed upon me as time passed.  I never suspected that I would have to learn how to live – that there were specific disciplines and ways of seeing the world I had to master before I could awaken to a simple, happy, uncomplicated life.”

-Dan Millman

Studies conducted by positivity psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky point to 12 things happy people do differently to increase their levels of happiness.  These are things that we can start doing today to feel the effects of more happiness in our lives.  (Check out her book The How of Happiness.)

I want to honor and discuss each of these 12 points, because no matter what part of life’s path we’re currently traveling on, these ‘happiness habits’ will always be applicable.

Express gratitude. – When you appreciate what you have, what you have appreciates in value.  Kinda cool right?  So basically, being grateful for the goodness that is already evident in your life will bring you a deeper sense of happiness.  And that’s without having to go out and buy anything.  It makes sense.  We’re gonna have a hard time ever being happy if we aren’t thankful for what we already have.

Cultivate optimism. – Winners have the ability to manufacture their own optimism.  No matter what the situation, the successful diva is the chick who will always find a way to put an optimistic spin on it.  She knows failure only as an opportunity to grow and learn a new lesson from life.  People who think optimistically see the world as a place packed with endless opportunities, especially in trying times.

Avoid over-thinking and social comparison. – Comparing yourself to someone else can be poisonous.  If we’re somehow ‘better’ than the person that we’re comparing ourselves to, it gives us an unhealthy sense of superiority.  Our ego inflates – KABOOM – our inner Kanye West comes out!  If we’re ‘worse’ than the person that we’re comparing ourselves to, we usually discredit the hard work that we’ve done and dismiss all the progress that we’ve made.  What I’ve found is that the majority of the time this type of social comparison doesn’t stem from a healthy place.  If you feel called to compare yourself to something, compare yourself to an earlier version of yourself.

Practice acts of kindness. – Performing an act of kindness releases serotonin in your brain.  (Serotonin is a substance that has TREMENDOUS health benefits, including making us feel more blissful.)  Selflessly helping someone is a super powerful way to feel good inside.  What’s even cooler about this kindness kick is that not only will you feel better, but so will people watching the act of kindness.  How extraordinary is that?  Bystanders will be blessed with a release of serotonin just by watching what’s going on.  A side note is that the job of most anti-depressants is to release more serotonin.  Move over Pfizer, kindness is kicking ass and taking names.

Nurture social relationships. – The happiest people on the planet are the ones who have deep, meaningful relationships.  Did you know studies show that people’s mortality rates are DOUBLED when they’re lonely?  WHOA!  There’s a warm fuzzy feeling that comes from having an active circle of good friends who you can share your experiences with.  We feel connected and a part of something more meaningful than our lonesome existence.

Develop strategies for coping. – How you respond to the ‘craptastic’ moments is what shapes your character.  Sometimes crap happens – it’s inevitable.  Forrest Gump knows the deal.  It can be hard to come up with creative solutions in the moment when manure is making its way up toward the fan.  It helps to have healthy strategies for coping pre-rehearsed, on-call, and in your arsenal at your disposal.

Learn to forgive. – Harboring feelings of hatred is horrible for your well-being.  You see, your mind doesn’t know the difference between past and present emotion.  When you ‘hate’ someone, and you’re continuously thinking about it, those negative emotions are eating away at your immune system.  You put yourself in a state of suckerism (technical term) and it stays with you throughout your day.

via 12 Things Happy People Do Differently.

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